I lost my wedding ring.

The other day, a friend of mine told me a story of how he had lost his wedding ring while he was on his honeymoon.  It had been lost for three weeks, and presumed lost, when out of the blue the resort where he had honeymooned mailed his ring back to him.  Mortifying story, no?  Especially since he had spent a LOT of money, and invested a lot of time, finding exactly the right ring to wear for the rest of his life.  I can’t imagine his relief as he opened that package and found his ring inside.

My friend was telling me this story to make me feel better.  Sometime between Sunday night and Monday morning, I lost my wedding ring.

I remember wearing it at work Sunday night.  I was twisting it on my finger while talking to one of my tables.  The next time I was aware of it, I was at home Monday morning and about to take a shower.  I reached to take my ring off my finger, and it wasn’t there to take off.

I have NO idea where it went.  Did I take it off in my sleep, as I’ve done once before?  Did one of the cats batt it under a dresser?  Did I absentmindedly leave it on a table at work while I was doing my paperwork?  (Almost definitely not.)  Did I fall asleep in the subway and fall victim to a very skilled ring snatcher?  Was it tungsten-eating parasites that ate my ring right off my finger?

Today I can joke.  On Monday I was more upset than I remember being in a long, long time.  I felt irresponsible, and completely unable to focus on anything.  I felt lost.  I felt… less married, somehow, without the comfortable weight of my ring on my finger.  I know I’ve had it for less than two months, but I’ve become very attached to it.

The ring’s special for two reasons.  It’s my wedding ring, for one.  It’s also special because Elle and I bought our rings in Prague, when we were there last fall.  So it comemorates not only the big day when we gave ourselves to each other forever, but the really wonderful vacation we took last year.

My friend, the one who lost his ring too, told me there’s nothing lost in the physical universe.  That’s true, but things in the physical universe do get thrown away or stolen or consumed by tungsten-eating parasites.  Knowing my ring is out there somewhere, but I might never see it again, is not more comforting than knowing it is gone forever.  You know?

Anyway, so these were all the thoughts that were going through my head as I tore my apartment apart looking for my lost ring.  I still have those thoughts once in a while, but I’m really clear that they’re just thoughts.

Let me just say, I have the greatest wife in the entire world.  I called her after searching our place, to ask if she’s seen my ring and also to have a total nervous breakdown.  She was a ROCK.  She was sorry the ring was lost, but really offered me peace and perspective, and reassured me that she wasn’t upset.  I could barely believe it.  She promised me we’d look together when she got home, which we did (unsuccessfully), and that if we couldn’t find it we’d have fun shopping for a new one together.

She even went so far as to step into a couple jewelery shops to get their card and preview the selection.  We ended up going to the same place where I found her engagement ring.  They had a great deal on tungsten rings that day, and we found a ring that we both liked even better than the one I’d lost.  It was a bit large for my finger.  They said they’d send off for one in the same style and a smaller size, since I’m NOT wearing a ring that’s too big for my finger again.  We picked it up yesterday.  I’m wearing it now.  It’s comfortingly heavy.

I still miss my first ring, of course.  I really hope we find it when we move out of this apartment, if not sooner.  That said, I love this ring I’ve got on.  After we picked it up, we ate at a restaurant right next to where I gave her her engagement ring.  She put my ring on me.  It was cheesy, and made me grin like a kid.

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~ by joshkauffman on August 22, 2009.